You'll Blow Your Eyes Up, Kid 1821

You'll Blow Your Eyes Up, Kid

Santa has been around for a long time and there isn't much he hasn't seen before.  Way back in 1821, according to Children's Friend III, Santeclaus already had his Christmas Eve gig down; a reindeer-pulled sleigh, parking on roof tops and going down chimneys, sneaking presents into stockings...  He also had a carefully selected list of approved presents. Wooden guns were a popular choice, but he was certain to avoid toys which might cause self-inflicted harm to children.

Where e'er I found good girls or boys,
That hated quarrels, strife and noise,
I left an apple, or a tart,
Or wooden gun, or painted cart;
 

To some I gave a pretty doll,
To some a peg-top, or a ball;
No crackers, cannons, squibs, or rockets,
To blow their eyes up, or their pockets.

Perhaps 120 years later, he had relaxed those safety standards just a little bit when in 1940, despite his initial reluctance in the department store ("You'll shoot your eye out, kid"), he gave Ralphie Parker a Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle:

You've got to give Santa some credit for looking out for the parents too.  Ol' Santeclause avoided any annoying gifts that produced loud noises, going educational whenever he could:

No drums to stun their Mother's ear,
Nor swords to make their sisters fear;
But pretty books to store their mind
With knowledge of each various kind.

  

The naughty and nice list was also well established in 1821.  The list of infringements which got you on the naughty list would have knocked young Ralphie out of contention for getting his Red Ryder thanks to his potty mouth:

 But where I found the children naughty,
In manners rude, in temper haughty,
Thanklefs to parents, lairs, swearers,
Boxers, or cheats, or base tale-bearers,

 

  

Ohhh fudge.  And it wasn't lumps of coal Santa was giving out back then either:

I left a long, black, birchen rod,
Such as the dread command of God
Directs a parent's hand to use
When virtue's path his sons refuse.

Well, there's always next Christmas.

1. (1821) "The Children's friend. Number III. : A New-Year's present, to the little ones from five to twelve." click here to read the full story.
2. (1983) A Christmas Story 

1821 - Santeclaus - Childrens' Friend

The Children's friend. Number III. : A New-Year's present, to the little ones from five to twelve. 

 (1821) 

 

 

 

 

Old Santeclause with much delight
His reindeer drives this frosty night,
O'er chimney tops,and tracks of snow,
to bring his yearly gifts to you.

The steady friend of virtuous youth,
The friend of duty, and of truth,
Each Christmas eve he joys to come
Where love and peace have made their home.

Through many houses he has been,
And various beds and stockings seen;
Some, white as snow, and neatly mended,
Others, that seem'd for pigs intended.

Where e'er I found good girls or boys,
That hated quarrels, strife and noise,
I left an apple, or a tart,
Or wooden gun, or painted cart ;

To some I gave a pretty doll,
To some a peg-top, or a ball;
No crackers, cannons, squibs, or rockets,
To blow their eyes up, or their pockets.

No drums to stun their Mother's ear,
Nor swords to make their sisters fear;
But pretty books to store their mind
With knowledge of each various kind.

But where I found the children naughty,
In manners rude, in temper haughty,
Thanklefs to parents, lairs, swearers,
Boxers, or cheats, or base tale-bearers,

I left a long, black, birchen rod,
Such as the dread command of God
Directs a parent's hand to use
When virtue's path his sons refuse.

Source: Doolittle, I. (1821). The Children's friend. Number III. : A New-Year's present, to the little ones from five to twelve. Part III. : Containing eight coloured engravings. Price 25 cents: plain, 18 3/4 cents. Published by William B. Gilley, no. 92 Broadway. Link: Yale, Beinecke Library